So this weekend my younger brothers can upstairs to my house to show my boyfriend their new BB guns that my dad bought them. There were two things that I disliked about this situation. One that it really annoys me that my dad buys my ten year old brother guns, and not even those little BB guns, there like the huge automatic.. blah blah blah.. I don't even remember the name of them I just saw that they were guns, big and didn't really care for them. The second thing that I disliked about this situation is that my daughter asked for one.
At this point I didn't want to seem like I'm such a mean mom that doesn't let her daughter play with a "boy toy", because to me guns are more of a boy toy then a girl toy and I usually encourage my daughter to play with boy toys. Anyways I didn't want to seem like that to my daughter or have her question why I let her play with other boy toys and not this one, but this is a time, as mother, where I thought "where do i draw the line of what "boy toys" she could not play with." As a mother I love that my daughter isn't to girly or a complete tomboy, she has a good balance, not that I would really mind if she was either or , but I see myself in her, this was the way I was. So of course she asked for one and I said no, she got upset and of course her dad found a smaller one to give her. So all the boys and Juliza went outside and shot at some paper target that they has also bought. I love that my daughter likes to interact with boys and that her and her dad and young uncles were able to bond, but I just don't like the whole gun idea. I also understand that its good to have children interact with different gendered toys, As Isabelle D. Cherney explained, play assessment shows that this qualitative research helps increase a more complex interaction and that its important because it opens up more possibilities of complex interaction and cognitive development and that is all great and all but I still don't feel comfortable with my daughter using this specific toy because of the fact that it is a DANGEROUS toy that she can become hurt from. As a typical boy toy exciting and dangerous, it might cause my daughter happiness, but if she would have gotten hurt, I don't know if I'd be upset and say "I told you so" to her and her dad or be upset with my self for not completely stopping her from playing with the gun.. I guess I was torn between her acceptance with her dad and uncles,who usually never want her to participate because shes is a girl, and with the idea of her happiness and her safety..
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Thursday, March 14, 2013
More babies
As I continued reading Elizabeth Mitchell's article she came to talk about her mother asking her brothers, if she had talked about having children yet. Elizabeth explains that everyone around her asks when she will become a mother, now that she in her late twenties. She states " In society, babies have come to represent everything but unmaturated human beings. They function as the nexus for debate and discussion in the world changed by feminism. Few people expect women's love relationships to resemble those of our grandmothers or our mother , but more still wonder how anyone could reject children." She continues to say that for many mothers, babies are safety nets, because if anything else in life went wrong at least she bore children.
For Elizabeth's own self and many other women like her, who aren't very interested in having children at an earlier age, she says that "children lie down the road, like a can they keep kicking and catching up to." Elizabeth feels that she doesn't want her life to reside when another human being is born and I can understand this. There is no need for a women to feel that her life begins when she has a child, yes it might be great experience for some but at the same time for others who don't really want children, it could become a challenge and a battle between their social life and their motherly life.
Being a mother at an early age for me wasn't my plan , but it is something that I learned to accept and to improve and now that my daughter is three, and I have experienced so much with her, I would not change anything. Motherhood was defiantly a challenge being young, because I had to adapt to the role of caring for someone else when I hadn't finished learning a lot about life. I feel that these past years have allowed me to mature more and to learn the responsibilities that come with having a child, financially and emotionally but at the same time its something that I have realized has sort of taken my youth. While I see friends and family going out on the weekends yes, it sucks to know that I cant go because I have motherly duties that I have to attend to first. I feel that its still different for a women than a man when having children. Or maybe just in my experience, not saying that my boyfriend doesn't help out with my daughter, because in all reality he's been with my daughter more than me , but its a lot easier for him to say, I'm going out with friend, than it is for me. For me, I feel that I need to plan so far ahead. The very few times that i do go out I have to find someone to watch her, because its rare that he wants to stay home while I'm out with friends. I also have to make sure that she has what she needs if shes aways from home, like an extra pair of clothes, snacks and toys. I feel that its more work that I'm doing to go out that, that's why I don't go out as much, plus because I am always away due to school and work that I like spending as much time as I can with her.
Back to the topic of more babies...While I was in Mexico, the beginning of this year, there were plenty of times that my family would ask my when was I going to have my next child. I looked at them, as if they were crazy! They compare me to my sister and say, shes already had two and your only on your first. It's a little hard to explain and have them understand what like in American is compared to life in Mexico. Thier so used to the Mexican traditions , being young finding a boyfriend, being married and having children. That is not my plans at all! Yes I have a child but, I go to college, and work, as well as being involved with different organizations. Some of my Mexican family thinks I'm weird for not being a stay at home mom but I LOVE it. I have never seen myself as such, I like staying busy. I don't plan on having any more children anytime soon, or even at all, who knows. My plans for now are all academic oriented. Don't get me wrong, I love my Mexican roots and our traditions, but I don't like that one or the stereotype of young minority mothers not getting far in their lives, I took this as a challenge when I found out I was pregnant and challenged myself to be different and Ive succeed thus far. Although my daughter is sad that I'm not home a lot, at the same time it makes me happy to hear her say that she wants to go to college like me when she grows up, so as far as I know I'm filling my motherly duties, just in a different way. :-)
Q: Do people think a lot less of a mothers who are away from a child and being successful in life, as not being a good mother? If so why?
For Elizabeth's own self and many other women like her, who aren't very interested in having children at an earlier age, she says that "children lie down the road, like a can they keep kicking and catching up to." Elizabeth feels that she doesn't want her life to reside when another human being is born and I can understand this. There is no need for a women to feel that her life begins when she has a child, yes it might be great experience for some but at the same time for others who don't really want children, it could become a challenge and a battle between their social life and their motherly life.
Being a mother at an early age for me wasn't my plan , but it is something that I learned to accept and to improve and now that my daughter is three, and I have experienced so much with her, I would not change anything. Motherhood was defiantly a challenge being young, because I had to adapt to the role of caring for someone else when I hadn't finished learning a lot about life. I feel that these past years have allowed me to mature more and to learn the responsibilities that come with having a child, financially and emotionally but at the same time its something that I have realized has sort of taken my youth. While I see friends and family going out on the weekends yes, it sucks to know that I cant go because I have motherly duties that I have to attend to first. I feel that its still different for a women than a man when having children. Or maybe just in my experience, not saying that my boyfriend doesn't help out with my daughter, because in all reality he's been with my daughter more than me , but its a lot easier for him to say, I'm going out with friend, than it is for me. For me, I feel that I need to plan so far ahead. The very few times that i do go out I have to find someone to watch her, because its rare that he wants to stay home while I'm out with friends. I also have to make sure that she has what she needs if shes aways from home, like an extra pair of clothes, snacks and toys. I feel that its more work that I'm doing to go out that, that's why I don't go out as much, plus because I am always away due to school and work that I like spending as much time as I can with her.
Back to the topic of more babies...While I was in Mexico, the beginning of this year, there were plenty of times that my family would ask my when was I going to have my next child. I looked at them, as if they were crazy! They compare me to my sister and say, shes already had two and your only on your first. It's a little hard to explain and have them understand what like in American is compared to life in Mexico. Thier so used to the Mexican traditions , being young finding a boyfriend, being married and having children. That is not my plans at all! Yes I have a child but, I go to college, and work, as well as being involved with different organizations. Some of my Mexican family thinks I'm weird for not being a stay at home mom but I LOVE it. I have never seen myself as such, I like staying busy. I don't plan on having any more children anytime soon, or even at all, who knows. My plans for now are all academic oriented. Don't get me wrong, I love my Mexican roots and our traditions, but I don't like that one or the stereotype of young minority mothers not getting far in their lives, I took this as a challenge when I found out I was pregnant and challenged myself to be different and Ive succeed thus far. Although my daughter is sad that I'm not home a lot, at the same time it makes me happy to hear her say that she wants to go to college like me when she grows up, so as far as I know I'm filling my motherly duties, just in a different way. :-)
Q: Do people think a lot less of a mothers who are away from a child and being successful in life, as not being a good mother? If so why?
Motherly Instinct
As I read "An Odd Break With the Human Heart," a couple of days ago, I could see my daughter doing the things that I was reading about and it just really made me realize how fast children pick up on certain things. One statement that Elizabeth said that triggered my daughters' images in my head, is when she started talking about taking her three-year-old niece ( the same age as my daughter) for a walk and just examining the way that the little girl worried about her fluffy white rabbit. The little girl made sure that the bunny was secure in her basket and that she was careful to go over bumps on the sidewalk. Shortly after telling this story, Elizabeth said that she " Felt overwhelmed by how sweet she was in her compassion, but I felt troubled too, by how prepared she was for the life of a girl."
This statement got me thinking as well, that my daughter too, is already learning the basics for being nurturing, a girl and even mother like, even almost starting to develop a motherly instinct, because do we truly know when that happens? Is it when you first find out that your pregnant or when you start to feel your baby move, when you give birth, or could it be the first time you fall in love with a doll that has become the best part of your life growing up? By the way my daughter truly cares for her stuffed animals and the way she makes sure that they are fed, bathed, and have their rest, isn't that like being a mother? Yes it night not be the whole motherly traits or the whole actions, but the fact that she acknowledges their needs and that she knows what "to do" (give them medicine/cuddle them) when "their sick", could this not be the beginning of her instincts or just the beginning of her "girl duties."
People say that when a women becomes a mother her motherly instincts come through, but don't we learn basic instincts while growing up, such as learning to suck on things that touch our mouths, when hungry, lose the fear of height when we start learning to climb stairs, or try to find something to hold on to when we fell that were falling.
These two conversations that we had in class brought together my post for today, we talked about the article and also about the blog that someone had wrote about the motherly instinct. Its hard to say when it starts but I feel that if it continues to develops when we are mothers, so couldn't we possibly assume that it started to grow somewhere in our youth, as we grew up learning to care for someone and we just call it motherly instinct when we are mothers.
This statement got me thinking as well, that my daughter too, is already learning the basics for being nurturing, a girl and even mother like, even almost starting to develop a motherly instinct, because do we truly know when that happens? Is it when you first find out that your pregnant or when you start to feel your baby move, when you give birth, or could it be the first time you fall in love with a doll that has become the best part of your life growing up? By the way my daughter truly cares for her stuffed animals and the way she makes sure that they are fed, bathed, and have their rest, isn't that like being a mother? Yes it night not be the whole motherly traits or the whole actions, but the fact that she acknowledges their needs and that she knows what "to do" (give them medicine/cuddle them) when "their sick", could this not be the beginning of her instincts or just the beginning of her "girl duties."
People say that when a women becomes a mother her motherly instincts come through, but don't we learn basic instincts while growing up, such as learning to suck on things that touch our mouths, when hungry, lose the fear of height when we start learning to climb stairs, or try to find something to hold on to when we fell that were falling.
These two conversations that we had in class brought together my post for today, we talked about the article and also about the blog that someone had wrote about the motherly instinct. Its hard to say when it starts but I feel that if it continues to develops when we are mothers, so couldn't we possibly assume that it started to grow somewhere in our youth, as we grew up learning to care for someone and we just call it motherly instinct when we are mothers.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
power in relationships
To go off my earlier post (female/male roles), I grew up learning that males and females played very distinct roles in our lives. Growing up I always saw males be the dominate ones, the ones that worked more, got paid more did the dirty work, where the females were more gentle, did cooking cleaning, taking care of the children, maybe working, but only in the mornings so that they could be with their children later in the evening. I see my father and males in general as the one with power in the relationship, they handle most of the money/ they make most of it and they make bigger decision. Foucault's understanding of power is different. He sees power not as an asset that one person can have but as something that is exercised within interactions (Gaunlette 128). "Power is everywhere; not because it embraces everthing, but because it comes from everywhere...Power is not an institution, and not a structure neither is it a certain strength we are endowed with; it is the name that one attributes to a complex strategical situation in a particular society (Gaunlette 128)."
How I interpret this statement is that power is everywhere in our environment, and its hard to avoid it. Power is not a single place or something physical but rather it is something that comes out when we are in certain position/situation in our life, such as at a great job that pays a good salary, or in a relationship where one person makes bigger decisions. In my personal relationship, where my boyfriend is the stronger, louder, one , I feel that I have the more power in our relationship. I say this because I am the one with the most education, I keep our household financially stable, I am more social, I am the most active when things need to get done,and I make the big decisions in our household. Although I seem to have the most power, I don't verbally say it out loud due to the fact that I still want him to feel as if he has enough power to see each other as equals in our relationship,or I just don't want to make him feel awkward, so if we don't talk about it we don't really realize it, but its true.
To end my post my question is : How do men really feel about women that have more power than they do? Is it intimidating, do they feel lower, less appreciated?
How I interpret this statement is that power is everywhere in our environment, and its hard to avoid it. Power is not a single place or something physical but rather it is something that comes out when we are in certain position/situation in our life, such as at a great job that pays a good salary, or in a relationship where one person makes bigger decisions. In my personal relationship, where my boyfriend is the stronger, louder, one , I feel that I have the more power in our relationship. I say this because I am the one with the most education, I keep our household financially stable, I am more social, I am the most active when things need to get done,and I make the big decisions in our household. Although I seem to have the most power, I don't verbally say it out loud due to the fact that I still want him to feel as if he has enough power to see each other as equals in our relationship,or I just don't want to make him feel awkward, so if we don't talk about it we don't really realize it, but its true.
To end my post my question is : How do men really feel about women that have more power than they do? Is it intimidating, do they feel lower, less appreciated?
Gauntlett, David. Media, Gender and Identity. 2nd. New York: Routledge, 2008. 129. Print.
female/male role
From last weeks class we touched on different roles that men and women play. Such as the man, who brings home the bacon and the women who keeps the household together. And this is how I was also brought up. When I was starting to date, my parents always told me, find someone who's going to be able to support financially. Well they must have jinxed me..lol.. I eventually had a boyfriend who i became more serious with And a year later we had a Beautiful daughter. Although our relationship has been a little rocky ever since the start because of the fact that he didn't have a high school diploma and I've been the one who for the most part has kept us financially stable, We've been able to always work it out. He's actually been the one that's been at home with my daughter the past three years and although I would love to be At home more I know that my priorities right now are to finish school and to get a career so that when I'm done he's able to go and finish up his high school and get a more stable job. My parents and in general my family have always given me a hard time about it because they're so traditional but in all reality if it works for us I feel that there's not really a problem. We both understand that I need to finish my career and it's easier for him to be at home and work a small part time job and help with my daughter as well keeping the household together. Even explaining it other people they give me a really odd look but again I really don't care because it's the way I decide to live And not the way I am told to live.
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